10 - An idiot sued Michael JordanHe said Michael Jordan looks like him. This supposedly causes people everywhere to approach him.

He sued Michael Jordan AND the founder of Nike, Phil Knight, for $832 million dollars.

And guess who was the lawyer representing this moron?

Himself.

You know your multi-million dollar case is retarded when you can't even get a lawyer.

If this dude had even 1 braincell, he would use his Michael Jordan look-alike status to make money. Like by standing in Times Square in New York City and selling autographs to stupid tourists. Or by getting free meals at every restaurant.

Obviously this numbskull enjoys the attention because he shaves his head like Michael Jordan and also wears an earring.

Hey dope! You can't sue somebody because you look like them!

This would be like if Rosie O'Donnell sued the moon. Or if Paris Hilton sued an anorexic pelican.

9 - The Wendy's Finger

Anna Ayala sued Wendy's because she claimed that there was a finger in her chili.

After a huge investigation, it turns out that she planted the finger in the chili.

Here's a lesson to all morons: stop throwing body parts in your fast food and suing.

Or at least, COOK the body parts. Detectives knew something was weird because Wendy's chili is cooked at 170 degrees and the finger was being served raw. Plus, the finger was from a friend of her family. Duh. You KNOW the police can identify the finger because a finger has FINGERPRINTS!

This stupid lawsuit has a happy ending... Wendy's gave out free desserts to win back customers and Anna Ayala was sentenced to 9 years in prison.

8 - Peanut Butter

Kenneth Parker sued the state of Nevada because he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter but instead got one jar of chunky and one jar of creamy.
 
Did I mention that he ordered the peanut butter from the prison kitchen? Yeah, a dude in jail sues the state over peanut butter.

In his defense, the style of peanut butter is very important when it comes to spreading it on your cell mates' ass before eating out his butt hole.

7 - The McDonald's Coffee Case

Stella Liebeck sued McDonald's because she spilled their coffee all over her lap and wound up in the hospital with 3rd degree burns.

This is not the stupidest lawsuit of all-time because McDonald's was wrong here because their coffee was too damn hot. But she did spill it on herself. It's not as if Ronald McDonald threw it in her face. I mean, if the Hamburglar came along and dumped scalding coffee in the woman's lap... she'd have a rock-solid case.

I'm surprised this hasn't lead to more lawsuits... like maybe I could sue the manufacturer of my couch because it's too comfortable. All day I watch TV instead of doing stuff. Damn you, comfortable couch manufacturer!

Or maybe I'm doing some "research" on the internet while wearing my new imported cashmere pants made out of gold and dolphin feathers. And the very sexy adult entertainment star Carmen Hayes jiggles something that causes me to stain my very expensive pants... can I sue her for being hotter than McDonald's coffee?

6 - The drowning of a Honda.

This drunk girl drove into Galveston Bay in Texas. Her friend got out alive but the drunk driver was too drunk to unfasten her seatbelt. So she died.

So naturally, her parents sued Honda for manufacturing a seat belt that cannot be easily unbuckled by a drunk driver who is under water.

Why didn't Honda test for this scenario! And car manufacturers should also make brakes that brake even when celebrities don't press the brake. That way the singer Brandy wouldn't have slammed into those people.

5 - A man sued Anheuser-Busch for $10,000.

Why?

False advertising.

Dude claimed that unlike their beer commercials would suggest, drinking their brand of beer did not cause bikini girls to suddenly break into a volleyball game and invite him back to their hotel room.

Yes, this lawsuit was actually filed in a court of law.

Man, imagine if you could sue companies for this type of stuff and win?

"Your Honor, I am suing Toyota because despite my best efforts, I could not drive my new Toyota Tundra up the side of a skyscraper like in the commercial."

or

"I am suing Valtrex for $22 million dollars because after viewing their commercials, I was duped into believing that people with Herpes live exciting lives that include white-water rafting, mountain climbing, and sailing with very attractive members of the opposite sex. Because of these commercials that promoted these outstanding benefits, I purposely contracted genital Herpes. And now I have horrible outbreaks, but still no hotties who want to go parasailing with me."

4 - Apple Corps?

This one is really dumb. It's ongoing litigation that was finally settled after 28 years in the courts. What could be so important?

The Beatles formed a company called Apple Corps as a record label. They didn't like Apple Computer using a similar name and also selling music. So they kept suing Apple Computer, trying to get money.

Is there anyone who is getting confused? Who the hell knew The Beatles had a record label called Apple? And who could possibly confuse it with a computer company? I'm not certain, but I think Yoko Ono is behind this.

3 - What to do with money???

A man claimed his employer was discriminating against him. Okay. The jury awarded him over $300,000.

Cool! What will he do with all that money?

He's going to spend it all on cigarette and lubricant!

Because during the trial he held up a convenience store with a shotgun.

Now he's in prison for a decade.

2 - Just Sue Yourself?!

Prisoners have so much time on their hands, they think up a lot of great lawsuits. Robert Lee Brock decided to sue the man he blamed all his problems on. He sued him for $5 million dollars. He sued... himself.

He claimed that the defendant (him) violated the plaintiff's (his) civil rights when the defendant allowed the plaintiff to get drink. The alcohol instigated the criminal behavior.

Now here is where the real genius shines:

He argued that since the defendant (himself) didn't have any money, the STATE should pay.

I'm not sure if this was a tactic to make money or a tactic to be transferred from the prison into a mental institution.

1 -  Whiplash!

Dude sued a strip club because he claimed he suffered from whiplash!

How do you get whiplash in a strip club? Apparently this can happen when a dancer named Tawny Peaks swings her super huge foobies (fake boobies) in your face. The jury rejected his demand of $15,000.

I think they SHOULD have awarded him $15,000 but paid him in single dollar bills.

From : Hogwild

 

 

 

 

by Randy Cassingham Stellas Awards.com
Issued 31 January 2006

#7: Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the Home Depot store in Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to it when he sat down. "This is not Home Depot's fault," he proclaimed, yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 anyway. Dougherty complained the offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3 million.

#6: Barbara Connors of Medfield, Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven by her 70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the Connecticut River, and Connors sank with the car. Rescue divers arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but Connors suffered brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess that's reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who risked their lives to save hers.

#5: Michelle Knepper of Vancouver, Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of the phone book to do her liposuction, and went ahead with the procedure even though the doctor was only a dermatologist, not a plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained she never would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn't Board Certified in the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the doctor, or looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued ...the phone company! She won $1.2 million plus $375,000 for her husband for "loss of spousal services and companionship."

#4: Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home improvement store in Fairview Heights, Ill., causing head injuries. That's right: outside the store. Yet Nichols still held the Lowe's store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly around free in the air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued for "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown out of court.

#3: Barnard Lorence of Stuart, Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own bank account. When the bank charged him a service fee for the overdraft, he filed suit over his "stress and pain" and loss of sleep over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he says, will only amount to a "slap on the wrist", whereas the $2 million he's suing for is more like being "paddled". Kinky!

#2: Wanita "Renea" Young of Durango, Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked cookies for their neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but Young got scared when she heard them on her front porch. They apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for causing her distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it in the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she's shocked (shocked!) that everyone in town hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may have to move. But hey: she won.

And the winner of the 2005 True Stella Award: Christopher Roller of Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional magicians, so he sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to him -- or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong earnings, which he figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and $2 million for Blaine. The basis for his suit: Roller claims that the magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus must be using "godly powers" -- and since Roller is god (according to him), they're "somehow" stealing that power from him.

by Randy Cassingham Stellas Awards.com
Issued 31 January 2005

#6: The Tribune Co. of Chicago, Ill. The newspaper chain owns several newspapers, as well as the Chicago Cubs baseball team. One of its newspaper carriers was Mark Guthrie, 43, of Connecticut. One of its ball players was Mark Guthrie, 38, of Illinois. The company's payroll department mixed the two up, putting the ballplayer's paycheck into the paper carrier's bank account. The carrier allowed them to take back 90 percent of the improperly paid salary, and said they could have the rest after they gave him a full accounting to ensure he not only got his own pay, but wouldn't have any tax problems for being paid $300,000(!) extra. The Tribune Co., rather than provide that reasonable assurance, instead sued him for the rest of the money.

#5: "High Tech" retailer Sharper Image sells a lot of its "Ionic Breeze" air filters. As part of a comparative review of many air filters, Consumer Reports magazine found the "Ionic" unit was the worst performer. SI complained, saying it didn't do a "fair" test. CU asked what sort of test should be done, but SI never replied -- until it sued CU. A federal judge ruled the suit not only had no merit, but was actually an illegal attempt to squelch public discussion. SI was ordered to pay CU $400,000 to cover its legal defense costs.

#4: Edith Morgan, mother of Kansas City Chiefs football star Derrick Thomas, who died after being thrown from his SUV in a crash while speeding in a snowstorm. Morgan said Thomas's neck was broken because the SUV's roof collapsed a few inches -- not from rolling down the highway because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt -- and sued General Motors. Her lawyer begged jurors to award more than $100 million in damages, perhaps more -- he "did not want to put an upper limit on it." GM pointed out that Thomas's oversize SUV was exempt from federal roof crush standards, yet it met them anyway. The jury sent a message: of that $100 million, it awarded Morgan ...nothing.

#3: Tanisha Torres of Wyndanch, N.Y. The woman sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town as "Crimedanch" on her cell phone bill. She didn't even ask them to change it; she just sued. "I'm not a criminal," she whined. "My son plays on the high school football team." Yeah, that makes sense. The name "Crimedanch" is a common joke; police in the area confirm it's a high-crime area. Still, Torres claimed she suffered "outrage" and "embarrassment" at having to see that spelling on her private phone bill. The suit seeks unspecified damages.

#2: Homecomings Financial, a subsidiary of GMAC Financial Services, which is a division of General Motors. The finance company accepted a change of address notice from identity thieves for the account belonging to Robert and Suzanne Korinke. The thieves ran up a $142,000 debt, and the Korinkes notified Homecomings of the fraud the moment they discovered it. Homecomings sued them two years later, saying the couple's "negligence" is what "caused the injury to Homecomings," not the fact that the company accepted a change of address from fraudsters -- and then gave them all the money they could drain. The victims got the company to drop the suit, which demanded $74,000 plus attorney's fees, after shelling out $5,000 in legal fees -- an outcome the couple's lawyer called "really lucky".

And the winner of the 2004 True Stella Award: Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill. Ubaudi was a passenger in a car that got into a wreck. She put most of the blame on the deepest pocket available: Mazda Motors, who made the car she was riding in. Ubaudi demands "in excess of $150,000" from the automaker, claiming it "failed to provide instructions regarding the safe and proper use of a seatbelt." One hopes Mazda's attorneys make her swear in court that she has never before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that she's too stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt.

by Randy Cassingham Stellas Awards.com
Issued 9 February 2003

#7: Attorney Philip Shafer of Ashland, Ohio, flew on Delta Airlines from New Orleans to Cincinnati and was given a seat, he says, next to a fat man. "He was a huge man," Shafer says. "He and I [were] literally and figuratively married from the right kneecap to the shoulder for two hours." He therefore "suffered embarrassment, severe discomfort, mental anguish and severe emotional distress," he claims in a lawsuit against the airline. Shafer figures this embarrassment, discomfort, mental anguish and emotional distress could be cured by a $9,500 payment from Delta. If Shafer isn't careful, that might be dwarfed by the divorce settlement his "huge" (seat)mate might demand.

#6: "The Godfather of Soul" James Brown has a "grudge" against his daughters Deanna Brown Thomas and Yamma Brown Lumar, they allege. They say Brown "vowed to the media that his daughters will never get a dime from him" and "James Brown has kept his word." So they have done what any kid would do when cut off from their rich daddy's bank account: they sued him for more than $1 million, claiming that they are owed royalties on 25 of his songs which, they say, they helped him write even though, at the time, they were children. For instance, when Brown's 1976 hit "Get Up Offa That Thing" was a chart-topper, the girls were aged 3 and 6. It's enough to make Brown switch to the Blues.

#5: Utah prison inmate Robert Paul Rice, serving 1-15 years on multiple felonies, sued the Utah Department of Corrections claiming the prison was not letting him practice his religion: "Druidic Vampire". Rice claimed that to do that, he must be allowed sexual access to a "vampress". In addition, the prison isn't supplying his specific "vampiric dietary needs" (yes: blood). Records show that Rice registered as a Catholic when he was imprisoned in 2000. "Without any question we do not have conjugal visits in Utah," said a prison spokesman when the suit was thrown out. Which just goes to prove prison life sucks.

#4: Every time you visit your doctor, you're told the same old things: eat less, exercise more, stop smoking. Do you listen? Neither did Kathleen Ann McCormick. The obese, cigarette-smoking woman from Wilkes-Barre, Penn., had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a family history of coronary artery disease. Yet doctors at the Department of Veterans Affairs Medical Center "did not do enough" to convince her to work to improve her own health. Unsurprisingly, she had a heart attack which, she says in a federal lawsuit, left her a "cardiac invalid". In addition to eight doctors, she's suing their employer -- the U.S. government -- demanding a minimum of $1 million in compensation.

#3: In 1997 Bob Craft, then 39, of Hot Springs, Montana, changed his name to Jack Ass. Now, he says that MTV's TV show and movie "Jackass" was "plagiarized" from him, infringes his trademarks and copyrights, and that this has demeaned, denigrated and damaged his public image. No attorney would take the case, so he has filed suit on his own against MTV's corporate parent, demanding $50 million in damages. If nothing else, Jack Ass has proved he chose his name well.

#2: Hazel Norton of Rolling Fork, Miss., read there was a class action suit against the drug Propulsid, which her doctor had prescribed to her for a digestive disorder. Despite admitting that "I didn't get hurt by Propulsid," Norton thought "I might get a couple of thousand dollars" by joining the lawsuit. When her doctor was named in the suit, he quit his Mississippi practice -- where he was serving the poor. He left with his wife, a pediatrician and internist. That left only two doctors practicing at the local hospital. So while Norton wasn't harmed by the drug, all her neighbors now get to suffer from drastically reduced access to medical care because of her greed.

And the winner of the 2002 True Stella Awards: sisters Janice Bird, Dayle Bird Edgmon and Kim Bird Moran sued their mother's doctors and a hospital after Janice accompanied her mother, Nita Bird, to a minor medical procedure. When something went wrong, Janice and Dayle witnessed doctors rushing their mother to emergency surgery. Rather than malpractice, their legal fight centered on the "negligent infliction of emotional distress" -- not for causing distress to their mother, but for causing distress to them for having to see the doctors rushing to help their mother. The case was fought all the way to the California Supreme Court, which finally ruled against the women. Which is a good thing, since if they had prevailed doctors and hospitals would have had no choice but to keep you from being anywhere near your family members during medical procedures just in case something goes wrong. In their greed, the Bird sisters risked everyone's right to have family members with them in emergencies.